It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
