Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
