Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
