She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
