Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
