so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
