I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
