Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
