hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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