Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
