i dont even know how to be here
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
