Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
we're so committed to being not committed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
