that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know her cup size but not her name....
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