i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
