PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
