I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
