DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
