Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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