I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
