She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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