You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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