Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
