Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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