omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
