You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
