that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
