I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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