Dual....:-)
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
