I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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