Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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