pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
