I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
