haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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