I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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