Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
