no, he came in my armpit
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
