So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
