just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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