I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
