I am puke
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
