remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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