i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
