Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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