You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
