I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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