Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
