I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
