He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
