He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
