i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
