At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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