Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
