We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
